let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
