First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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