You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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