True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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