I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
