I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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