I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize