If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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