Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
