So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
