my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
my poor anus
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize