I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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