If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
