god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
