I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
