I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
