i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
