I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
vagina is talking i cant
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
