you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
