As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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