I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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