shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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