i think i have herpe
just one?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
