so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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