So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
