I hope mine doesn't look like that
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize