guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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