come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
