I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
