I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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