The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
