Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
