If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
