handjob tips. give me some.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
