You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
