i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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