Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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