What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
