I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
