How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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