She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
