dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
