He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
