So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
