So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
