i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize