You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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