i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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