I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
