I just pynch a tree in the face
Don't make out with my wife yet
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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