the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
