dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
