you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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