I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
