You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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