i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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