Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
