I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Congratulations! We have a period
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
