sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
