There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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