well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
