idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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