Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize