yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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