Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
