Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
