Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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