Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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