remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize