Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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