Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize
