My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
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