In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My ATM looks so different sober.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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