saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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