My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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