tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
