fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize