I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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