Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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