I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
