my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
