Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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