I seem to have left my pride at pride
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
