I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
