he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
