well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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