I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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