I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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