i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
