God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize