sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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