maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
