Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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