Got a toothbrush?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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