she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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