you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
