Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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