fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize