it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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