to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
